The Ups and the Downs...

Hey guys...

I was going to post fic today because I have a bingo to finish and all, but a lot happened this weekend up to now and I think I'll postpone it till tomorrow (also because everyone is posting Valentine stuff and I'm clearly not up for THAT right now.)

Well... I just want to get some things off my chest and relate how the ups and downs of life are really really close sometimes.

I'm still deep in the middle of all the shit with my exams, but I got my letter on Friday (not by owl, sadly...) telling me that I'm officially allowed to take my finally exams now... which means I officially HAVE to take my final exams now. And they're on March 14th, 16th and 23rd. Which is like four weeks. AAARRGH

On Sunday, I went to a regional musical competition that translates roughly to something like 'youth makes music'. It's for all sorts of instruments and vocals and young people between 9-27 come there sing/play classical pieces of various epochs and get points. Depending on how many points you get you can win a 3rd, 2nd, 1st and a 1st prize with a ticket to the state competition. I didn't really expect a lot of it, because I've had a lot on my mind that was more important than this, but it was the last time I could go so I decided to apply. And when I was in the prep room with my vocal coach I did goddamned awful. So she got really huffy, gave me a proverbial kick in the ass and send me out to not let my nerves get to me (cause I can sing, I just normally don't do so well all alone in front of many people...) and well...

...looks like I am going to state competition after all.

Dear Lord, I have no idea how THAT happened.

But we also have to honour Birdie because she managed to get a simple 1st Prize, but a 1st! And she was hacking up half a lung, running a fever and high on her mum's asthma meds just to be standing straight mind you. That is one tough cookie, so she gets to be joint king of the lab for that one. 

And today... well, my granma, who's close to 80 but still quick on her feet stumbled and fell and cracked her head open on the stone stairs of their house. I stood directly next to her, but it happened much too fast to actually do something about it. I thought for real that this was it, but luckily she could sit up on her own and talk right away. So after half a day of hysterics and runs through various hospitals it turns out that she needed about four stitches, has a seriously black eye... and broke just about every bone on the left side of her face. She's to have surgery in the morning, and I can't help feeling apprehensive even though she seemed alright when they came home for a few minutes inbetween. In the meantime I've spend half the afternoon with my completely out-of-sorts granpa who's got alzheimer's dementia that gets worse by the week and who's really dependent on her presence. I managed to calm him down most of the time, but spending even only an hour with a patient like this is draining beyond imagination. I can't really fathom where the people who do this for a living get the energy from, but they have my deepest respect. It looks like we'll have to commit him to full-time intensive care in a nursing home very soon and part of me feels really guilty and torn up about it, but I also know that it's definitely not possible to do it on our own, even though half of our family lives here next to each other. I just hope we can find a good place for him as soon as possible.

Oh and last thing, my dad tells me when all is said and done, we're going to give up one of our dogs on Thursday. She's been with us for two years now and she's the first dog we had in about twenty-five years that hasn't been born in our house. It was difficult from the start because she did things that 'our' dogs never did and required guidance with things that we were used to getting automatically. We made mistakes and it led to her and our little one fighting over dominance issues tooth and blood to the point were we could barely keep them in the same house with each other (never mind actually face to face) It became a major stress because I've always prided myself in the way our dogs can deal with everything without violent behaviour towards dog or man, no matter what you throw at them. That faith has been shaken and it makes me feel awful that we give up just like that. I'm not sure if it's the right move either because while she will go back to her breeder who has a lot of experience with many hot-tempered dogs, I feel like we're abandoning her and it's really really hard for me to feel relieved about giving her away. It's not the first time we did that, we give away our pups everytime we have them and we've also had adult dogs that had to find new homes over time, but never never ever did I feel like that. I just hope that we're doing the right thing, but I also think that keeping her wouldn't be it, no matter what. Still, it's hard stuff.

So... thanks for whoever actually read to the end, I'm grateful that you hang in there with me. More than anything I needed to get this off my chest and I realized that I have a bunch of people out there who wouldn't mind me sharing it.
I hope you y'all had a better worst weekend than I did (if that makes sense) and see you with fic soon.
Cat

The Ups and the Downs...

Hey guys...

I was going to post fic today because I have a bingo to finish and all, but a lot happened this weekend up to now and I think I'll postpone it till tomorrow (also because everyone is posting Valentine stuff and I'm clearly not up for THAT right now.)

Well... I just want to get some things off my chest and relate how the ups and downs of life are really really close sometimes.

I'm still deep in the middle of all the shit with my exams, but I got my letter on Friday (not by owl, sadly...) telling me that I'm officially allowed to take my finally exams now... which means I officially HAVE to take my final exams now. And they're on March 14th, 16th and 23rd. Which is like four weeks. AAARRGH

On Sunday, I went to a regional musical competition that translates roughly to something like 'youth makes music'. It's for all sorts of instruments and vocals and young people between 9-27 come there sing/play classical pieces of various epochs and get points. Depending on how many points you get you can win a 3rd, 2nd, 1st and a 1st prize with a ticket to the state competition. I didn't really expect a lot of it, because I've had a lot on my mind that was more important than this, but it was the last time I could go so I decided to apply. And when I was in the prep room with my vocal coach I did goddamned awful. So she got really huffy, gave me a proverbial kick in the ass and send me out to not let my nerves get to me (cause I can sing, I just normally don't do so well all alone in front of many people...) and well...

...looks like I am going to state competition after all.

Dear Lord, I have no idea how THAT happened.

But we also have to honour Birdie because she managed to get a simple 1st Prize, but a 1st! And she was hacking up half a lung, running a fever and high on her mum's asthma meds just to be standing straight mind you. That is one tough cookie, so she gets to be joint king of the lab for that one. 

And today... well, my granma, who's close to 80 but still quick on her feet stumbled and fell and cracked her head open on the stone stairs of their house. I stood directly next to her, but it happened much too fast to actually do something about it. I thought for real that this was it, but luckily she could sit up on her own and talk right away. So after half a day of hysterics and runs through various hospitals it turns out that she needed about four stitches, has a seriously black eye... and broke just about every bone on the left side of her face. She's to have surgery in the morning, and I can't help feeling apprehensive even though she seemed alright when they came home for a few minutes inbetween. In the meantime I've spend half the afternoon with my completely out-of-sorts granpa who's got alzheimer's dementia that gets worse by the week and who's really dependent on her presence. I managed to calm him down most of the time, but spending even only an hour with a patient like this is draining beyond imagination. I can't really fathom where the people who do this for a living get the energy from, but they have my deepest respect. It looks like we'll have to commit him to full-time intensive care in a nursing home very soon and part of me feels really guilty and torn up about it, but I also know that it's definitely not possible to do it on our own, even though half of our family lives here next to each other. I just hope we can find a good place for him as soon as possible.

Oh and last thing, my dad tells me when all is said and done, we're going to give up one of our dogs on Thursday. She's been with us for two years now and she's the first dog we had in about twenty-five years that hasn't been born in our house. It was difficult from the start because she did things that 'our' dogs never did and required guidance with things that we were used to getting automatically. We made mistakes and it led to her and our little one fighting over dominance issues tooth and blood to the point were we could barely keep them in the same house with each other (never mind actually face to face) It became a major stress because I've always prided myself in the way our dogs can deal with everything without violent behaviour towards dog or man, no matter what you throw at them. That faith has been shaken and it makes me feel awful that we give up just like that. I'm not sure if it's the right move either because while she will go back to her breeder who has a lot of experience with many hot-tempered dogs, I feel like we're abandoning her and it's really really hard for me to feel relieved about giving her away. It's not the first time we did that, we give away our pups everytime we have them and we've also had adult dogs that had to find new homes over time, but never never ever did I feel like that. I just hope that we're doing the right thing, but I also think that keeping her wouldn't be it, no matter what. Still, it's hard stuff.

So... thanks for whoever actually read to the end, I'm grateful that you hang in there with me. More than anything I needed to get this off my chest and I realized that I have a bunch of people out there who wouldn't mind me sharing it.
I hope you y'all had a better worst weekend than I did (if that makes sense) and see you with fic soon.
Cat