Burning Bridges (2/3)

[mangacat201]

Title: Burning bridges

Author: Mangacat(201)
Pairing/Characters: Jared/Jensen
Rating: R/NC-17
Word Count: ~3000

Disclaimer: If someone could own them, I think there would be Third World War breaking out soon enough, so we’re all glad they only belong to themselves and hopefully don’t do these things… and if you do, don’t tell us about it, yeah? YEAH? No harm, no foul, all fiction.
Warnings/Spoilers: A bit of fluff, a bit of angst (ok, a big bit) – Chris and Chad do phone cameos. 4X09; 4X10 Heaven and Hell, and pack out your hayforks and rotten cabbage, I expect fangirl uproar, kinda *g*

Summary: They’ve danced around each other for years now, co-stars, partners in crime, best friends… but as the new season gets the spirits and feelings high, passion finally flares and if the morning after doesn’t exactly go as planned… well, you burn that bridge when you cross it.

(beautiful banner - courtsey to insane_songbird)
 

 

A/N: Ok, like I promised, the second chapter right in time… Enjoy!

 

 

 

Jensen screwed his eyes shut, a pained frown marring his expression while he continued to sip coffee and waited for Chris to get his head around the issue at hand.

“So… let me get this straight… you’ve been working together as co-stars for about four years now.”

“Right.”

“You didn’t take much time to get to the really close hold-my-drink-while-I’m-puking-buddy stage.”

“Errmm.”

“Despite various flings of the female kind and one engagement during the time, you goofed all around the gay-band-wagon, presumably just because Jared is one goofy fuzzball of sticky goo and to rile up the fans a bit. Am I right so far?”

“Uhm…”

“You moved in with each other just because it wasn’t possible to find a place in the whole city of Vancouver that was available, pricy and not too big for one person.”

“Wait, it wasn’t quite…”

“Let me finish, so when finally, you where both occupied on screen – not real life – with some girl action, you got so insanely jealous that you snapped all over the place, bolted at all the wrong times and then got into each other’s faces over it so much that you ended up finally getting what every granny and their neighbour already knew?”

“If you put it like that…”

“So, you did what, a kiss and a breathless promise for more when you got home, but no endless-love confessions?”

“Well, yes… and no.”

“But the sex was still crap.”

“Yeah, you know it was licking and groping in all the right places at all the wrong times, and I really DON’T enjoy getting my shirts ripped to shreds. Or being blinded by having all the lights in the room on full force. And I think I might have a rather shimmering colourful bruise in a place I don’t care to talk about in decent conversation and it was altogether… so unsatisfying.”

“Well, didn’t you.. you know, GOD I can’t believe I’m having this kind of conversation with you, on the phone no less.”

“Well, sorry for living anywhere near work for convenience’s sake, and by the way, yeah we did, but it wasn’t… erm.”

“Mind-bogglingly fan-fucking-tastic?”

Jensen sighed and thanked the gods for a friend like Chris to put things into perspective, even if it wasn’t an entirely pleasant one.

“Have you talked about it?”

“Of course not Chris, we’re not a bunch of girls that will sit there, exchanging this about make-up, that about PMS and oh, do you know a way I can get my hubby into gear so I can stop faking the orgasms already?”

“Sorry to break it to you buddy, but if you thought your mostly-straight ass – up to now at least – would get straight A’s in the free style with not so much as a bit of bumbling and fumbling, you should have thought again.”

“Yeah, but how do we deal with that?”

“Listen Jen, here’s what I can tell you. This can go two ways and you need to know where you’re standing there. You can decide agreeably to chalk it up to temporary insanity and deny anything ever happened, go back to work and maintain your friendship as well as possible, pondering all the while if there’s something else underneath. That’s door number one… door number two only opens when you’re sure of your feelings. You want that boy? You really want a shot at that relationship? Even if it might affect your friendship and working morals and be so mightly ackward it’s not even funny anymore? Then you have to accept that it might never really work out in the bedroom for you like you would like best, even if you work on the performance. Or you find a way to change that and score the most brilliant fuck you ever had.”

Jensen scratched a stray blob of tomato sauce from the working space of the kitchen and looked out of the window, processing what Chris had told him.

“Yeah, thanks, I’ll think about it. Call you later?”

“You bet, I want regular updates on this!”

Rolling his eyes, Jensen disconnected the call and put the cell down on the counter next to his slowly cooling coffee.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Upstairs Jared sat in his bed, still gloriously naked but not so glorious in mood, pondering the last day and following night, when his best friend suddenly turned lover and before he even got to wrap his head around the whole thing went on to one night stand. At least as it stood now after the infamous bed bolting, which – considering they were not only work-mates that got to see each other about fifteen hours of the day anyway and friends, but also lived together now – was just prone for disaster. And while he hadn’t really figured out yet where it had all gone wrong between that earth-shattering kiss and this morning’s early harsh light, he was sure he wouldn’t leave it just at that. The feelings that had surfaced now had been burning on low flame for a long time and it couldn’t just take one sidestep to botch each and every chance they had. Hell, they’d stood on each other’s toes for the better part of the day for the better part of four years and if that wasn’t a good enough tell that they were relationship-proof, he didn’t know what was. He’d just have to talk to someone who wasn’t his best friend, given the involved parties, to sort that out. His parents were out because, hello: ‘son turned newly gay’ or bi-curious or whatever he was to be labelled now – that would need some explaining first he really wasn’t up to now. Same went for his siblings because they would have to tell his parents (his folks had that uncanny ability to weasel everything out of their kids). No there was only one person he could think of that would at least hear him out even if he couldn’t really expect any advice of the usable kind.

 

The phone rang so long that he was just about to count on having that conversation with the mailbox when finally the connection clicked and a sleepy voice answered.

“Huh?”

“Hi, Chad, how are you?”

“You fucker, I hope the house is on fire underneath your big hairy ass, or I’ll have to come light it.”

“Yeah, I’m good too, thank you. But I’ve got to talk to you about something.”

“And that better be a really fricking emergency, cause otherwise I’m skinning you alive next time I see you.”

“Uhm… you see, Jensen and I…”

“At LAST!”

“Erm…”

“Don’t say anything, you finally got what every dimwit gone round the bend already noticed, that is you got the hots for each other, had a minor freak-out, snuck into some trailer, had a bit of a kissy-gropy-make-out session, confessed your undying love for each other and then proceeded to fuck like bunnies.”

Jared was rather gobsmacked by the level of coherency Chad was able to pull off an approximate ten seconds after waking up, so he answered in a rather knee-jerk reaction.

“Huh… erm, some of the above.”

“Wait, WHAT?”

“…”

“I was only kidding, you DID that?”

“Well,…”

“I mean, I so totally rehearsed that speech for the next night out we had, just to see your face and got a bit ahead of myself, but you really got me there. You jumped teams, just like that?”

“Uh, is this going to be ackward from now on?”

“What? Eh, no of course I want to know every juicy detail of your newly discovered male-centric sex life… not. But you’re not calling me at this godforsaken time of the night to ask for permission to marry the boy, are you? ‘Cause that would be really cutting it.”

“No, this.. this isn’t what this is about. I’m just… I think we really fucked up the fucking part.”

“Erm… fucked up as in?”

“As in, it wasn’t good?”

“Uh… come again? What do you mean it wasn’t good?”

“Like he let me do most of the work and then bitched if something wasn’t up for his taste while I was my totally clumsy self and found all the spots that were.. not. Oh God, I feel like such a total jerk for saying things like that, but…”

“Wait, wait, I mean that’s unbelievable, you’re the Jayman, you’ve got these fricking superpowers to take care of everything the ladies…”

Chad trailed off when he realized where this was headed.

“Yeah, exactly.”

“Ahh, crap, well then you’ve got to do some research. I mean, there is so much porn out there in the net on you two, you should be able to find a suitable step by step.”

Jared scrunched up his face in utter discomfort.

“I’ve got to WHAT? No way, man, are you crazy? What kind of advice is that?”

“Man, you calling me in the middle of the night and you expect profound statements on emotional attachment and couple’s therapy – which by the way, too fricking early at this point? Besides, I AM Chad Michael Murray, after all.”

Jared sighed, but conceded that he hadn’t really called about valid advice in the first place. But he’d had to say it out loud to make sure it was real and not just his nightmarish imagination to be able to do something about it. Whatever that was…

“Look, man be honest, you ever had a relationship with a man? Even a sexual one?”

“No, I have been kinda attracted before now that I think about it, but I never thought of acting on that.”

“I really hope that you don’t hit on any other of your co-stars…” “Chad!” “… yeah, yeah, well, but you really got the hots for the boy?”

“I… yeah, in a completely sappy, puppy-loving way. But I want the whole package, not an old married couple relationship.”

“Well, then you will have to do it the old-fashioned way. Find out what you want, find out what he wants and seduce him within an inch of his life.”

“Because that’s going to be real smooth, ok, thanks Chad for picking up anyway.”

“You bet, I expect to be kept in the loop, you hear me?”

“Right, go back to sleep now.”

 

After the line went dead, Jared stared down at the phone as if it could suddenly sprout the master plot of the universe, or at least how he was going to get them out of this mess. When he drew a total blank, he decided first things first, which meant getting out of bed, showered and dressed and then go face Jensen. Whatever happened then, he would have to go from there. He walked down the stairs, refraining from his usual exuberant stumble in case Jensen was still sleeping and greeted the dogs at the bottom when they came racing out of the kitchen. The way they whacked their tails but didn’t jump up to drool all over his sweat pants indicated that they’d already been fed and let out. Which in turn meant that Jensen was already up and possibly on his first cup of morning coffee. He braced himself for whatever was to come when he stepped into the kitchen, but found it in vain when he came face to face with his best friend standing there staring down at the mug in his hands, an unreadable expression firmly in place. Then Jensen must have heard him scuffle in the door because he suddenly looked up and their eyes met with deadly precision. No sound was uttered while they gazed at each other, silently taking in and cataloguing their features in a way they never had before. The seconds dragged on, seemed to drag into hours when Jensen’s lips moved into a tight-lipped smile that was made stale by the regret that clearly shone out of his eyes. Jared thought his expression had to be equally open, for an actor it was quite pathetic but he never seemed to be able to hold on his emotions in front the older man if not in character. And this was altogether too much like Sam and Dean facing the possibly inevitable death of one of them, which made his stomach sink to sudden depths, his face heat up and all coil into a cold, hard sensation inside his chest. He couldn’t help but take a step in, reaching out for the other man, who in turn drew back with a hardly perceptible wince that made Jared’s hand halt in mid-air, his fingers trembling slightly. He knew that whatever he did next would be decisive about the turn their friendship and any more tender feeling they might have had were going to make.

“You got some coffee left?”

 

~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Jensen felt a considerable amount of tension leave his muscles at the mundane request. Coffee he could do, he was sure and if his hand shook a tiny bit while getting out the second mug and filling it up with the delicious hot brew, that was totally coincidental. As was the little bit of his heart that seemed to curl up in a far corner and threaten to die. When Jared’s fingers brushed his upon taking the mug from him, he put conscious effort into not letting it drop as to cradle his hand protectively to his chest.

Jared leaned against the counter, taking a swallow of the liquid that was black and clear of sugar, much like he didn’t usually want it, which Jensen belatedly realized. But the tall man didn’t hesitate a second on taking another big gulp, sneaking a sidelong glance through his bangs. He himself stood there, hands braced flat on the counter, eyes staring again into his mug, while the fine hair on his arms rose at the bristling warmth that radiated from the other man. Jensen didn’t think he had ever had a moment of such physical and emotional awareness with anybody else and he feared what would happen when the mood broke. Then Jared took the matter into his own hands and pushed himself off the counter, walking out of the kitchen. He felt his hands ball into fists, scraping the cold surface, and let his head fall against the cupboard with a slight thump. Tears of anger and frustration gathered in the corners of his eyes but he didn’t let them fall. He wouldn’t loose his best friend over this, he couldn’t. This strange wad of feelings had to go in order to get back what they had before, easy company, effortless understanding and Jared’s bouncy fluttering attitude to his contemplative seriousness. And he would have to make the first step too.

A few bounding steps got him up the stairs knocking on Jared’s door. When he heard an affirmative noise, he opened the door and put his head in.

“Fuck the coffee, wanna grab a beer and watch a game?”

He knew it was too early for beer and whether they’d actually find a game… but that was beside the point. Only one thing was important…

“Yeah, sure.”

Jared showed off his dimples full force, smile looking only slightly frayed on the edges.

~*+*~*+*~

 

They had gone back to filming the last few episodes before winter hiatus and it was… Jared wasn’t really sure how he would describe it if asked. Nothing of their on screen chemistry change and rest assured the set wasn’t saved from their pranks at all while they pulled off the same old schedule of activities in breaks and free-time. Jared had the feeling they acted well enough to fool each other and themselves even. Still, something wasn’t quite right and he did think they were on one page where the Incident as he had dubbed it in his mind was concerned, that it wasn’t over and done with that is. Nothing had really been resolved and while he’d gone with Jensen’s obvious request to put anything on hold for now, he couldn’t deny that the night and subsequent morning after was still on his mind. Also it seemed to be increasingly difficult to keep those looks, those smiles and all those touches without a subtext that wanted so desperately to wriggle into their life. He was a very touchy-feely person by default whose complete disregard for the matter of personal space had made Jensen really uncomfortable at first, but that had turned from grudging acceptance to bouncy welcome over the years. Still, now it was definitely as if Jensen was positively leaning in on the more or less rare occasions he dared to do it, which brought to mind that their basic human need for simple physical intimacy hadn’t been catered to for quite a bit even before the Incident. That made Jared kind of feel stretched out too thin, like work was more eating away at his substance than usually and he was almost wishing things hadn’t made such a turn as to give them their mutual epiphany.

 

The point of snapping for Jared came about two weeks after, when they sat in his trailer, reviewing the script for an upcoming episode. Jensen slouched into the armchair while Jared was stretched out half on, half off the long part of the couch, his foot settled on the rim of the coffee table. He felt the muscles jump and twitch in his thighs causing the sole of his sneaker to create an awfully screechy sound against the flat surface, but he didn’t have it in him to stop the nervous habit while he was trying to concentrate on the page in front of him. And considering he’d just about read it the fifth time, he sure was doing bang up job of it. In all honesty he was all too aware of the physical lack of distance Jensen’s knee had to his elbow and that looked upon in the harsh light of the day? Utterly pathetic.

The whole situation made him want to scream and rage. They had found those mutual feelings for each other and why the hell shouldn’t that add up? They deserved at least a bit of intimacy.

The circle of thoughts came back upon itself time and again and finally made him throw the script down on the couch with a frustrated grunt and with a hard shove of his foot sent the table skidding through the tiny room. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught Jensen’s deer-in-the-headlights expression on the sudden explosion of movement accompanying the unexpected change in atmosphere. He stood up from the couch and did a fast spin on his heels, coming to halt directly in front of Jensen. Letting his hands fall down to rest on Jensen’s knees, splaying them a fraction wider with the weight put on them, he crouched low to bring them to eye-level.

“I can’t do this anymore.”

“What? What are you…”

Before Jensen could get the whole sentence out he’d dropped on his knees in front of him, crowding into his space once again, one hand sliding up along his thigh to rest at the hip, which quite effectively shut him up. Jared brought their faces closer together closed his eyes for a second when they were only an inch apart, feeling the hot air ghosting over his lips, pulling it in like the breath of life. Then he gazed into the intense green eyes searching his for the reason of this sudden outburst. It was an amazing, heady feeling much like the first time.

“I.. I can’t go on like this, I need.. You gotta let me kiss you, tell me to kiss you, please!?”

Jensen’s eyes shifted down to his lips for a second, fluttering these damn girly eyelashes, but he did nothing else but hold his gaze again after that, holding his breath, anticipation high.

Jared figured he wouldn’t get any more of an invitation and covered that last inch with intention to be tender.. careful.

That worked about the fraction of the second it took for their touch to ignite a spark and without any more of an incentive it was all hard angles and strong planes, noses bumping and tongues flicking. His hand fisting the shirt into a tight bunch at the hip, the other one gliding up and behind him, splaying right between his shoulder blades. Jensen’s arms coming up and moving around him, one hand buried in the thick curls at the nape of his neck, the other dangling loosely over his shoulder.

Jared reluctantly left that delicious mouth to trail open-mouthed kisses up over his cheekbone, to the left temple, a swipe of his tongue making Jensen huff and attack his jaw in turn, drawing back up to gently nip at his bottom lip. The older man scouted up to the very edge of the chair, pressing their chests together while Jared’s hand slipped under the shirt to encounter bare skin. He brought it back to the front, stroking the hard ridges of Jensen’s abs while their tongues were still busy with each other. The world tilted again when Jared allowed his fingers to slide under the waistband of his jeans causing Jensen to immediately wrench away from the kiss, drawing back bodily. A hot sharp spike of hurt flashed through him before Jensen came back, leaning their foreheads together but keeping his face averted to the left.

“No.. no, don’t, not like this.”

Jared so wanted to not hear that feverish plea, but experience had taught him differently and he wasn’t about to make the same mistake twice when they’d just covered a little bit of ground again. He pulled his hand away slowly and let it settle on top of the fabric again.

“Yeah, I… alright, can we… can we just do it like that then? Just kiss, take it slow, doing only what we both want at the time? Cause I…”

Jensen just opened his eyes locking them sideways on his, rubbing their noses gently and blew a breathy kiss on his lips. Jared felt the breath stutter in his lungs and he closed his eyes, nodding.

Maybe they did have a chance after all.

 

 

Yahtzeee! Second chapter done, I can’t believe it. I haven’t written that fast in ages. So things are looking up for them even if they still got some way to go. Like you probably noticed there is in fact going to be a third part. Thanks again for all the wonderful comments to the first chapter and I really hope you enjoyed this one as well. Let me know.

 ...tbc here