Anonymosity

[mangacat201]

Hey flisties, sorry to bother you with that, but I'm proca... ah whatever that's called on behalf of studying for my Exam (yes capital E) right now so I'm putting this post together that's been occupying my mind roughly since my big bang posting date.

On the Issue of Anons

I know, I know several persons on my flist and the community as a whole had a lot of discussions going about this topic, but I feel the need to put something into writing right now.

Yes, I'm one of those 'self-searching' authors that are masochistic enough to go over to the spnpermanon big bang thread to look up what has been written about my own story there. Actually to be honest, my greatest fear was that they would find it so insignificant that it wouldn't even get its own thread, but thankfully that hasn't happened.

Still, as opposed to some other fic in the thread I suppose I got off lucky since most of the comments don't even discuss my fic and those who do are surprisingly free of vitriol and instead contained some bits of thoughtful criticism that could actually be constructive. Only I'm not really in the mood to regard it as such because it was packed with ironic, a little depreciating and callous undertones that hurt me despite my resolve to not let it get to me. It was my own decision to go there and read it up so I don't blame anyone, but the thing is, some of those things the anons remarked upon is stuff i'm well aware of and partially in the process of changing and some stuff was new and potentially interesting to think about.

I learned a lot of new things about me and my writing style and habits this year and sure the big bang is not the best story I've written so far or will ever, but I still feel accomplished that I got out of the challenge managing something I wasn't sure was possible for me. I do think I am a fairly good writer in the technical sense, but also as a creator, and I also think I can improve still. And I know that we all like to have positive reactions to our fic and that it's very very difficult to deal with critical feedback as well as giving it. I understand that anonymity is a good way to vent without having to fear consequences, of course it's tempting that way. But good feedback (on both ends of the stick) is based on trust and sensibility so that it can be given in the expression of concerns and with fresh ideas and received with appreciation and without offence. The anons destroy this relation with a rather egoistical notion of not having to put any effort into voicing their observations and that is a pity, because I think if some of those anons had just commented on my fic, told me they'd found the ideas interesting but the exposition too long, for example, I might have been bummed for some time, but after thinking about it, I'd have to agree and maybe we could have a discussion about what could have been improved.

Some of the things that got criticised were things due to circumstances, since I do have a real life outside of fan fiction writing that didn't resolve around making my big bang the best possible story it could have been. My writing habits and quirks have something to do with that too, but I know and accept that and I've been looking to improve that where possible. And despite everything I'm going to take the anon's parts to heart and see if I can pay more attention to it for my up and coming stories even though I really feel I want to slap them for not manning up and telling me upfront so I could actually answer to it. Still if it makes me a better writer afterwards, have they won or lost?

Now, for whoever had the energy to follow through with this to the end the one bit that I really really don't like about how the anon-meme is treating the big bangs. There've been a lot of complaints that this years stories are not to their liking and the picks are too small for such an amount of fic. The pairings are not right, too much slash, too little slash, gen not up to par (or not even readable if there's no romance at all) the dialogues are bad, the characterizations sketchy, the plot don't hold up and the overall quality is bemoaned again and again.

What I hear there is that sense of entitlement as readers (for I think that none of those anons actually is a big bang writer this year) as if we - the writers - are obligated to cater to their every whim and it was our sole duty to supply them with their reading material as if this was the market and supply and demand the only prinicple that counted here. Newsflash - we are not professionals and even though our Supernatural fandom is terribly spoiled by the enourmous number of very talented and skilled writers it is still our hobby. I do not write for readers or to earn a living, I devote my free time to it because it brings me joy and a sense of accomplishment with every new ingenious plot or well executed scene I devise. I have good days and bad, I have writer's block and that frantic phase of not being able to do anything but. I have stories that pour out in the matter of hours and some that fight progress for months at a time.

This is what it's all about. It made me grow as a person, find confidence in myself and others, get to know new people, have them become friends and put those wonderful, enticing, enjoyable stories out there even though they're often much better in my head than what comes out through my fingers. Still, I refuse to have that feeling commercialized by someone whose opinion is not worth more or less than any other and whose taste does not ensure a better quality of the work they like and a worse for that which they dislike.

Ok, that's it. I hope you have some thoughts and stuff you want to add, but it's not mandatory. And no i didn't disable Anon-commenting, you can do it like that if you want to, too.
Cat

Comments

[nightporters.livejournal.com]

As an inhabitee of the anon meme I have stayed away from the BB threads because I didn't want anyone to influence my choice and I knew they wouldn't like mine - it wasn't 'their' style. Also I have a really thin skin.

I think all readers have a sense of entitlement and this is their forum. What I hate is when it spills over into the fandom and turns into a free for all.

You are brave to have read yours and to take on board their comments.

[mangacat201.livejournal.com]

Yes, that... I get that they feel like there has to be a space where they can just SAY things and all, but it doesn't really help me do better if they never comment on my stuff even if only to actually criticize. They can anon around for all I care as long as the give me the credit of an actual comment that is constructive.

Ah well, I live and learn you know? I'd rather go there and turn it into something better then let it drag me down.
Cat

[sijay.livejournal.com]

I detest anonmeme. I really do. There's nothing good about it, in my opinion. If you can't voice your thoughts and then sign it with your name, keeo your shit to yourself.

You know, sometimes I get really angry that most people find art (and especially Big bang art) so insignificant that it doesn't even get any comments other than "wow, that's so cool" (which is a nice thing to say, don't get me wrong) but anonmemes actually make me very happy about that. I wouldn't want to read anonymous people talking about my wrong choices in color and perspective and stuff. Or my complete lack of sense for background. Everything can be discussed and criticized but what these people are doing is just plain bitching and it's getting on my nerves because so many people in my flist are reading about their fanworks lately and get hurt by it and start doubting their skills.

[mangacat201.livejournal.com]

yeah, although my artist got more appreciation than my story (due to flist that is bigger and artier probably) I see that too. I mean, it's a joint project and we all jump in blind and with best intentions. Still we're not in Hollywood's beauty recyling system and we're not all top notch nor should we have to be.
I kind of regard it as a cleansing ritual to help me see where I am and where I want to go. Curiously, it hasn't really dimished my faith in my own ability to think up and tell great stories.
And don't doubt your skills, they don't exactly know what they're talking about if they can't appreciate the time and effort you put into it.
Cat

[sijay.livejournal.com]

Oh, I don't doubt my skills. I know exactly what I can and cannot do and no one could ever tell me otherwise. It's just that a good friend of mine keeps reading anonmeme and then being hurt by the comments and I tell her every single time to just stop reading this shit but she never listens. And more people had smaller issues with anonmemes lately.

[mangacat201.livejournal.com]

Right, I tell the same thing to myself, but it's like a moth to light, you know? Like I still want to read those comments because they're MINE even though they're not exactly what I want to hear at all. Maybe it's stupid bravery, but I want to get the better of them somehow.
What really annoys me is that fact that my username is listed as a reason not read my stories. I mean, seriously? *epic fail* doesn't even come close to covering that.
Cat

[sijay.livejournal.com]

Really? OMG these people are 12-year-olds, I swear.

[sijay.livejournal.com]

And of course I just looked up my name in spnpermanon. Catastrophe, seriously. You can read my entire reaction in my journal now. *sigh*

[mangacat201.livejournal.com]

saw it. Oh deary. *huggles*
Cat

[zuben-eschamali.livejournal.com]

I didn't even know about the anonmeme before the Big Bang threads started, and curiosity made me take a look. After a couple of months of reading, I've concluded that there are so many people reading fic with so many widely diverging preferences that there's no use in trying to please them all, or really any of them. Like you said, I write for me, and I'm also trying to improve as a writer, so it's a matter of focusing on the constructive criticism that's about writing quality and not about content, if that makes sense. So I think the end result of reading so many anonymous opinions about other people's work is that I care less about their opinions!

Of course, I haven't posted my BB yet, so we'll see if my attitude has changed after that...

[mangacat201.livejournal.com]

Well, I have to say it DID certainly influence my decision whether or not to read certain big bangs, but that also has got something to do with the fact that I can't physically manage to read all the fics I would want to. Still, the thing is, I don't really GET any concrit ... I just get 'YAY' or nothing and it's been bugging me to realize that there ARE in fact people who've thought about that and didn't have to bad ideas overall. Some considerations even I didn't really think of as a problem at all. What I can't fathom is, why would they not step forward and tell me that so I can actually think about it and try to improve? I guess it's just too much work to put together a NICE feedback that's still constructive criticism. *shrugs*
Cat

[canyon_deye.livejournal.com]

:/ I think that's just plain sad. Big bang (and fandom, for that matter) is supposed to be fun, and then there are some idiots who have nothing else to do but bitch. Your story was really great and it's just distasteful to be anonymously commenting it somewhere out there. I doubt majority of those people could actually write a big bang fic themselves.

It's just something that really pisses me off. Writing over 20K of fic and then posting it out there for everyone to read takes so much courage, not to mention how much work the actual writing and plotting the fic must be. I think it's brilliant that more and more people join in and write and make it successfully; for that alone they should be respected.

Everyone has the right to not like a certain type of fic or give up on it halfway or whatever. But seriously. WHY go to an anon comm and bitch about it? It's just so pointless. If people have concrit, they should direct it to the author and not anywhere else.

[mangacat201.livejournal.com]

Exactly... I mean, of course I like comments that are unlimitedly enthusiastic better than those that are not wholy satisfied, but still, if it helps me make a better story out of it... and I actually DO have those complaints about my story now that they've been pointed out (even though I definitely still like it) but it's really difficult to take them at face value when they're packed up like that. Ah well.

I think the same... writing such a big story in a finite amount of time is not easy. The plot has to be big enough, but not too big so you can't finish it in time, it has to be coherent and possibly finished in one piece plus very original and interesting so it might actually have a chance with all the competition. i think anyone who attempts that is worthy to be honoured with at least a little decency.
Cat